his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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