Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
