so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
