fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
