here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
