are you so shy because you have an std?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
