her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
