When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
