i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
