No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
