I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
