I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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