i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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