We named our party play list daddy issues
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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