Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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