R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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