Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
