but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
