it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
