he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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