I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
