Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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