2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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