Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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