New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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