So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
