I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
