I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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