How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
