that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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