If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
40s are totally the cure
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
