I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
