if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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