your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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