I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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