i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
