Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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