Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
