How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
