a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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