the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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