I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
