i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
