So drunk its hurt
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
