My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
