OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
