his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
