I got chris browned last night
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
