I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
