I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
