I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
