I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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