there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
