The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
