I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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